The Perfect Book Idea...

Jenny McCarthy had a great idea when she wrote "Belly Laughs". It was wonderful to read a book on pregnancy that I could relate to when I was pregnant with Bug.

When I was pregnant with Bubs and found out that my brother and his wife were expecting their first, I was ready with the advice to my brother. "Never tell her she's crying over nothing," was one of the first tidbits I had for him. I can't remember them all now, but there were quite a few things that should never be said to a pregnant woman, especially the one carrying your child!

Now, I have the sequel to that book, "101 Things to NEVER Say to the Mother of Your Children".  The idea for this comes from both Hubs' flubs as well as things I've heard other moms share in disbelief.  Here are a couple to get it started:

• "You get time to be yourself every night.  You put the kids to bed and then you're up for a couple of hours by yourself."  Men, if you're reading this, spending time alone probably isn't what your wife wants. She's more than likely hoping for some free time without children in tow. And just because our friends have kids that our kids play with doesn't mean we always want it to be a family affair!
• "Why didn't you get _____ done, you were home all day?" Please, please, please, do NOT say this to a stay at home mom! As a full-time work outside of the home mom, I can tell you, staying at home is FAR more stressful! Any woman who is strong enough to stay home with the kids and keep the house in any sort of order is strong enough to knock you down!

So, what would you add to this list?

Coming to a Crossroads

Like many marriages out there, I feel like we're currently sitting at a crossroads. I know I'm not at a point of wanting to walk out, and Hubs says he isn't, but I know that our marriage isn't as loving, friendly, or respectful as it should be. I don't want to raise our children feeling the tension I felt growing up.

My sister-in-law recommended "The Love Dare" and "Fireproof" to me. At first, I rolled my eyes a bit, but I've decided now is the time to give it a chance. I watched the movie on my own and I'm hoping to get Hubs to watch it with me. Unfortunately, I saw far too many things in the movie that mirrored our marriage. Between that and "the God factor" I'm not sure how Hubs will react to it.

The only thing I'm certain of is that I can not wait to start. If I do, I worry that I will reach a breaking point where I don't even want to read the book or do the dares. I really do want this to work. I want to enjoy my time with Hubs, I want him to enjoy his time with me.

I would love to hear from anyone who has done the dare, especially if your spouse wasn't "on board" with it. How did you get through? Did it help your marriage? How do you feel about your spouse now?

It's All About Something Deeper

This is the revelation I had yesterday. Lately, my blog has been filled with things I want to change about myself. My body, my outward image, the state of my house, and how we live, all of them need to change. I have been asked if I have a poor self-image since I appear unhappy with everything.  Honestly, I'm don't have a bad self-image, I like to think I have a pretty realistic one.  On the other hand, how would I feel about my life if I wasn't battling depression? Would I have the issues I have without the depression?

I am not in any way, shape, or form trying to blame depression for the problems I have. I know that these are the results of my own action or inaction.  I know that when I'm depressed, it's hard to eat right. Knowing that, I also know that I am capable of plowing through it.  (I'm not saying this about every personal with any sort of mental health issue, I'm saying it for myself from experience) I choose to stuff my face with everything that tastes good to me because I momentarily feel better.

When I'm in a "low" time, it feels like everything I have is going into taking care of the kids, and sometimes I really feel like I've done a crappy job of that.  It's like their basic needs are met, but nothing more.  Why?  I really wish I could be more engaged with them, but it's hard. I can't explain it, but it's like there are times I feel like I don't deserve them.

So, back to last night... As I cleaned my bedroom, disgusted by how bad it has gotten, I realized that it's another symptom of my depression rolling downhill. I have no energy for much of anything, so the concept of cleaning falls down on the priority list. And suddenly, I'm filling half of our dumpster with crap that is broken or we don't need (but it's not in any condition to pass on).

I figure I'm never going to impress anyone, so why go out of my way to look good?  I already have a husband, so it's not like I'm single and on the market. I have a job and I'm not looking for a new one, so it's not like I need to impress anyone there either. The funny thing? I've felt more alive since I started consciously picking out outfits for the next day, not letting my hair air dry, and putting on a little make up.

Exercising has really helped me start to come out of the haze I was in. I proved to myself that I can make it through the workouts and I can force myself to press start on days when I don't want to. So now, I'm still going to make a point to exercise daily, but I need to prioritize. If my exercising winds up being a walk to the park with my family, I'm going to be okay with that. I still want to finish the 30 Day Shred, but I need to make sure I'm not putting off more important things for it. And dragging bag after bag from my apartment to the car or dumpster should count as exercise since there are 2 flights of stairs, right?

Blogging and making bloggy friends has taught me that it's okay to be vulnerable. When you put yourself out there, it can be scary, but it can show you how NOT alone you are. I think that's something important right now.

Battling Clutter From Another Angle

The other night, I came across a post about reinventing yourself on Adrian's Crazy Life. From the word go, she started to hit the nail on the head when it came to me! Yes, my house is a cluttered disaster.  To use an acronym from Flylady, who I don't listen to nearly as much as I should, I live in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).  I nearly panic at the thought of company, even my great friend who desperately needs a place to get away from time to time!

I decided to listen to Adrian and I picked up some mascara and eye shadow yesterday.  The funny thing is, I really do feel better today.  I don't see the tired eyes and frizzy hair when I look in the mirror.  Since I was putting on some make up, I couldn't exactly let my hair air dry. I'm going to try doing this every day, even when I am just putting on a bandanna (my solution to having to cover my hair but hating to wear ball caps). Last night, I even imagined myself finding some cute earrings that I could wear to work since my hair isn't visible.

The strangest thing is that last night, I stayed up until 2am starting to declutter my bedroom.  I don't want to admit how bad it is in there, but it's BAD!  I started with my dresser.  I don't even like going in there because I hate so many articles of clothing.  The drawers were essentially a mass grave for clothes I would never wear.  So why hold on to them?

I grabbed two garbage bags, one for donation and the other for things that I can't even stand to donate (old bras, underwear, haggard shirts that no one would wear).  After that, I started on my "walk-in closet" known as the bedroom floor.  Yes, I'm a slob who had clothes all over the floor.  I'm still working on it, but already, my room is a more peaceful place.  All of the clothes I've gathered so far will be on their way to a new home via Freecycle in about an hour.  How awesome is it to help someone else out, get rid of clutter and not have to leave home??

All of this because I made the decision that I want to start looking better! It's true, when you start getting a piece of your life in order, the others start to make more sense!

A Coat of Paint for my Blog

When I started my blog, I couldn't find a stock theme that I fell in love with. So, as a reward for spending less money on soda (almost none) I took the leap and sent a design request to Kelsey of Kreated by Kelsey. 

I'm beyond in love with the way my blog looks now!  She did a great job and she was very understanding when I couldn't wrap my head around whether or not I wanted anything changed. I chose a bad time (for me) to order a design and some people would have gotten upset, but not Kelsey!

If you're in the market for a custom look, I definitely recommend her!